I recently had a past life regression mini session with Angela Yadon. In an online meeting, Angela guided me to imagine a past life with some connection to my current one. I went to a past life where I was a cleric or in a monk in a monastery. Brown robe with a rope tie and everything.
I entered a scene in a church, very old, gray, and cavernous. I saw myself at the gnarled old age, bony arthritic fingers, clutching at a bench in the main room. The scene skipped back in time to me as a child with my parents and a baby in their arms, my sister. I was at the age of walking, but not older than 3. My parents were talking about giving me away to the church, because of the new baby. They couldn't feed both of us, and I was chosen to be given. They got money for the exchange, and I became a servant of the church. I never see them again. The scene changes and I am back in the monastery and it is clear I have spent my whole life there. It wasn't a good fit. Even though I am an ecclesiastic, I am filled with self hatred and righteousness. I try to inspire my brothers, I want them to like me, but they give me nothing but apathy. I am a failure and I know there is something missing within me. I have great fantasies about my brothers loving the talks I give that never come to fruition. There were hundreds of others like me, same robe, same convictions, same food, same rooms, and yet I was very alone. The scene moves back in time again, I am younger and in my righteousness I spurn a young woman who has come to me for help. I scorn her and say she can't be helped or isn't worthy of help. The scene skips forward and I see the same woman, but now she is an old hag (complete with wiry hair, missing teeth, and black cloak with a hood) and I am an old man. She has come for revenge. She knows something about me that will damage what little reputation I have at the monastery. She intends to harm me greatly with this knowledge, and holds some sort of proof in her hands. I strangle her and kill her. And I am so appalled by what I did that I hang myself in the ultimate act of my self hatred. And the monastery and my life's work falls into ruin. Yikes! Glad I am in this life!
The messages I took away from this past life were that self hatred is keeping me from experiencing my worth and that other people don't decide your value. As a result of the murder I committed, I gave my power away karmically for many lives. The ultimate message was one of forgiveness.
During the session, it was clear to me that the people in this story of a past life - the hag, my parents and sister, even the brothers - were people I currently know in this life.
About a week before I connected to Angela and this past life, I had a reading with David Lasocki. I was struggling with a relationship in my life and whether and how to end it. In the energy, it appeared to David that this person was strangling me. I experienced fear in my body with messages like... run! do not stop! she is going to take everything! With the help of David and some friends, I was able to disconnect this feeling and energy.
The person in this life that I was struggling with ... was the hag in that life. Still seeking revenge, and finding forgiveness instead. I still had a lot of hatred in my heart to clear. And I was avoiding it because hatred isn't one of those emotions you are supposed to feel. Instead, with the help of these readings, I could understand its placement in my life, sit with it, and let it go.
I am so fascinated by the energy and lessons here!
Occasionally in a reading with a client, I say something that makes me sit up and take notice. It's as if someone is screaming at me - Ali! This is for YOU (too)! LISTEN!
This happened the other day when I said something like 'your emotions don't make you good or bad.' I can logically know this to be true, but in that instant I knew that I was suppressing certain emotions because they are not what 'good girls' feel. On some level I believe that certain emotions made me a bad person. What kinds of emotions? Hatred, anger, shame, doubt, confusion just to name a few. And on the other side of the spectrum, it held true that some emotions make you a good person - compassion, generosity, love.
For years I have been telling myself that emotions are not good or bad. In my truth, emotions exist, and adding a judgment (good or bad) to them does not make the experience of feeling them better. Often I think it can pile on and make whatever emotion you are feeling - feel worse. So I really tried to become conscious of that little voice that told me anger was a bad emotion to feel. I tried to parent and help my kids with their emotions with acceptance and humility. I made myself create a new language around emotions. I talked about how emotions can be uncomfortable (grief, fear, judgment, doubt, shame), but they aren't in an of themselves 'bad' (or good). Eventually I came to believe that for emotions to heal, it is really about feeling them. All emotions are valid, simply because we are feeling them, whether we label them as 'good' or 'bad'.
So with that backdrop, when I said 'your emotions don't make you good or bad' - I was shocked that I had missed this nuance. What I discovered in the reading was that emotions don't make you good or bad. It wasn't that the emotion was uncomfortable and I was judging it as bad, but rather I was limiting my emotional experience to emotions that 'should' be felt (by 'good' people). The little voice in my head was not only labeling the emotion as something bad to feel, it took it a step further and said I shouldn't feel it, because I won't get to heaven or I won't be a spiritual person, etc.
I know I'm not the only one who had it ingrained in them what good girls/boys should feel. We have entire generations of men who were simply not supposed to feel anything at all. And generations of women who were taught to be afraid of or limit 'big' emotions. We are here to feel. All of it.
I'm sitting with the uncomfortable emotions, and letting them be with me even if they aren't the 'good' ones. I am the compassionate witness. I get it, I understand why I would feel hatred. I understand why I feel doubt. And I trust that if I feel into whatever the emotion is, that it will heal. I am not a victim to any emotion. As a result, I feel more free and safe to experience the full spectrum of emotions and to a much deeper level.
I have been musing on the idea of strength. My mother was strong! She was physically strong, mentally strong, she persevered, she held her ground, she healed and moved on. I come from a long line of strong women. We all do. I like to think of Mother Earth as the mother of us all, and wow she is a strong one.
I've read that the energies of 2024 will include strength. "This [year] asks you to stop turning away from that which you desire. This is the year to do things that will develop your strength and stretch outside your comfort zone" (Many Moons, Lunar Planner). I'm going to call this now strength.
As I have spent the first couple of days in 2024 touching into the now strength, it feels different to me than the strength of before. The before strength is a response - it feels like a defense, like a stance we have to hold so we don't lose (even more) ground. The strength that comes from saying: I will not be defeated. The before strength comes when someone or something else is trying to take your power. The before strength is the strength of our ancestors, and we needed it to stand with our ancestors now to claim this new now strength power.
This now strength and power knows that my power is not diminished by your power. Rather than a response, it is a creation. The now strength is a strength within. It is a strength that comes from claiming who we are, instead of losing power by denying aspects of ourselves. The now strength is not the strength that gets you through, it is the strength that lifts us up. In this power, it is time to take a step with our lives. It is the strength of YES, that creates the courage to make the step. The strength that is within each of us, if only we are brave enough to create our lives to the fullest.
I am only just beginning in the now strength. If you are exhausted from the before strength, let that be real. At the moment, it is part of who you are. The before strength is exhausting. And it is temporary. When you are ready for the now strength, invite it in. It sounds like YES! It feels like inspiration and hope. It tastes like freedom. It looks like beauty. It is led from the heart.
The now strength can not be taken from you. Consider letting the fight pass right on by because this is the kind of strength that can not be taken from us, only shared. Without the threat of someone or something else taking your power or your strength - what would you use all of that extra energy for? Create to your fullest, and feel your power there.
This is a strength and power that can be passed, knowing that your strength does not diminish mine. The end of 'power over' is near, and feminine energies will lead the transformation. Feminine energies ask us to receive as much as we give, to enjoy grace, compassion, and love. Let's go!
written by Gayle B. Colorado
Gayle participated in the free weekly Meditation Classes and shared her experience. Thank you Gayle!
Ali led us in a mindfulness meditation and then asked us to become aware of our current emotion. Mine was sadness, and tears ran down my face. A feeling of sadness related to feeling cold in this drafty house I live in, and a childhood feeling of being alone and cold. I then saw the tarot card, the 5 of Pentacles.
I saw it in a new way. The tattered woman is cold and barefoot in the snow. But there is a brilliant church window she is walking past. It made me think of spiritual resources that are always available, if we tune into them, align with them, and ask for them. I went on a journey and, as the cold woman, went into the church and experienced the warmth and light. Mother Mary touched my heart as tears ran down her face as well. Ali told us to bring a whole trashcan of that emotion in and I saw that trashcan full of tears evaporating in the warm candle-filled space. Ali also directed us to feel the light of Spirit pouring into us, filling us, surrounding us. Lovely!
Now, I feel bad I did not bring the lame person into the church with me. I'll do another journey and bring that part of myself inside too.
Sometimes fear gets a hold of me. If I'm honest, it isn't just sometimes, it is more than that. And it is more often than it used to be.
There is a lot of fear in our world right now. Understandably so. There is plenty to fear in our world today. There are wars. There are mass murders, cancer, and pandemics. There are guns. There are huge weather events. There is a lot of pain in the world right now. We are feeling fear.
When I feel fear, I don't often just simply state it as such. I don't like feeling fear, so I kind of pretend that I am not. Denial is a powerful tool. I also grew up in the era where to show your fear was wrong. Show no fear, and as such feel no fear.
My cue is my belly and my chest. If my belly is tight and I can't get a breath into my diaphragm, I am afraid. I can be feeling this fear just from the world around us. It doesn't even have to be an alarm that is sounding from something specific in my life. In the moments when I choose to acknowledge the fear, I can soothe it and let go of it from my body, by reminding myself that I am safe.
When I'm not conscious of the fear - when I don't simply acknowledge the fear - I worry instead. I worry about all kinds of things. Did I sign my daughter up for the right school? Am I taking care of my body the way I need to? My brain takes over and creates disaster scenarios for all kinds of different aspects of my life. Made up car accidents, people I love dying, I can imagine all kinds of scary things.
Now I know that if I don't act on my worry - if I don't actually do anything about it - then I can let go of that worry. So, if I'm concerned about my health, I could change my diet, make a doctor appointment, exercise, seek advice. But if fear of death is just creating worry, I won't actually do any of those things. That is a worry I don't need to continue to carry, think about, and hold. Fear of death is real for many of us. Yet, worry alone does not guarantee a longer life.
The other thing I do when I'm feeling fear and pretending I'm not is get really controlling. If you could see the way I act, you would think I can control everything in my life. I can't. And this just ends up in aggravation when I don't succeed at every single thing going according to MY plan. That is a lot of wasted energy, all because fear is driving my system and control is masquerading as safety. As if everything being perfect will keep me from whatever danger exists.
All of what I have written above is true for me. And yet I also know that we live in a safe universe. This is different from telling myself I shouldn't be afraid or that I don't have anything to fear. Both of these things can be true. I can acknowledge my fear, AND know that I am safe.
You might tell yourself you have nothing to fear, and you would be correct. Yet, fear is real. Especially in our world right now. It isn't that we shouldn't be afraid. For me, it is about recognizing that sometimes I am afraid, and also I am safe. When we acknowledge the fear, we can investigate the fear and notice what is creating the fear. Maybe it is an old belief, pattern, or something else that you don't actually believe to be true anymore. Maybe in saying hello to fear, you will move out of worry and choose to do something and act to change.
I know we are safe in my heart. Not in my belly, and not in my worry and control. On the soul level, everything that is happening is happening for our highest good. And the more fear that we can heal by allowing ourselves to actually feel it (rather than pretend it isn't there or we aren't really afraid), the less worry, control and judgement will be present in our lives.
Trust is the difference. I acknowledge the fear, and then I feel into my heart. I find that knowing that says I am safe. We are safe. Tap into trust. I choose trust in ourselves, our bodies, our communities, our universe. We live in a safe universe and it is conspiring for us. This life is happening for us, and we are alive at one of the most healing of times. I believe in you.
October is a fascinating month to look at fear because it comes into plain site with all of the preparations for Halloween. Death is celebrated a bit and we are confronted with scary things and scary characters. What if you made it a conscious choice to look at your fear and truly honor it this Halloween?
Masters throughout the ages have compared life to a river. I’m no master, and yet we recently floated on Clear Creek in Golden, CO and it struck me that tubing is such a beautiful metaphor for life.
If you've never been tubing, you walk with this large inflatable tube that is easily half your size until the spot on the creek where you want to start floating downstream. In Colorado, the water is so cold it takes your breath away, and we had so much rain this year that the current is still strong. You pop up onto your tube, and your ride begins. Kind of like how the ride begins the second you are born.
My arms were trying to reach the water from outside of the tube, while my butt and feet were in the water. This position doesn't provide the 'rider' much control. I could try really hard to force the water in a certain direction with my hands, but it took a lot of energy and I really couldn't get very far. It struck me that I was along for the ride; I could flow with the water or I could try really hard to get somewhere else.
On this particular ride, I wasn't ever in any real danger, but sometimes I was scared. I held on tighter to the tube, my heart raced, and I tried to paddle with my hands, even though I knew that wouldn't really do much. That is what fear and resistance do in this life. At other times, I was completely at peace and I could just ride along with the flow. That is what peace and flow do in this life.
At the start, the current was swift and carried us along. Some times we could hold on to each other's tubes and ride together, at other times the water forced us apart. Calm sections allowed us the time to look at the scenery of the incredibly colorful mesas around us. Rapids took all of our focus to the water, the tube, and our bodies. There are times in life too that take all of our focus and may feel lonely, and other times where we can catch a breath together and look around.
There were eddies, where water starts to turn in the opposite direction for a bit. These slowed me down, and sometimes pushed me into the bank. Other tubes missed the eddies all together and floated right past me. In life, that happens too - some people seem to float on by having these easy lives. But comparing myself to them or wishing I was sailing along too, only means that I miss the gift of the eddy. In the eddy, I could feel the beauty of the creek, the land, and the sky.
At a shallow part, I felt really stuck and I had to stand up out of my tube, walk along the slippery rocks to deeper water, and then resume my ride. Sometimes in life doing what you've always done doesn't work anymore and you've got to try something new. And sometimes that new thing is slippery.
Part of the fun of a tube is sometimes the water turns you around and you face the opposite direction. What I learned when I got spun around was that the view was better behind me! That was a surprise. Where can we shift our gaze to see something new or differently?
The creek and the tube also provided a level of neutrality for me. When I allowed the river to guide me, I didn't have to know exactly what the next step was (I knew generally I was heading downstream, but I didn't know exactly what would happen at each rapid). There was a flow that supported me, held me, took me where I wanted to go. I didn't have be a certain way (nice, pretty, perfect, rich, etc.) to still get downstream. And this is my experience of spirit, when I get out of my head and let the universe guide me, I feel supported, loved, and safe just because I'm me.
And even though at times it looked like I was getting nowhere, I was on the creek. I like the idea that we are on our path, and it is where we are supposed to be even if it doesn't look exactly like we thought it would. You are always on your path, you can't get it wrong and you aren't being punished. Decide if it's time to walk on the rocks, or stay for the ride. This life is yours to choose.
“A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself, and only herself.” — Maya Angelou
If you have never heard of 8/8 Lion’s Gate, I encourage you to check it out! It is a time when the veil between earth and spirit thins, making it a great time for setting intentions, manifesting, receiving signs from guides or loved ones, and healing old wounds. Lion's Gate happens on and around every August 8th. Consider taking some time to feel the light available and set intentions for how this light could support you, heal you, and create the life you choose. Here are a couple of links for more information and meditation opportunities:
Details for this Lion’s Gate: https://risingwoman.com/astro-report-lionsgate-portal-2023/
Lions Gate Meditation with David Manning Aug 8 at noon (mountain): https://davidmanningenergywork.com/product/lions-gate-2023
If you have a fun Lion's Gate experience to share, please add it to the comments. I'll be anchoring the light from Sirius and enjoying basking in the glow!
Imagine how a flower grows in the ground strong and true. See the stem, leaves and petals. This plant connects with the earth, and somehow starts shooting skyward, finding the light, and becoming beauty. Imagine the power required to push the earth and stand as tall as possible, with the aid of the light and the earth.
I often tap into the light from our sun and that of surrounding stars for energy and healing. You'll often hear me talk about the light within us and around us as essential to our lives. I recently had a healing with David Manning, where together we tapped into a deep, deep earth energy. The same energy that flowers tap into to grow straight up out of the earth. It felt warm and cozy, yet strong and capable. It was a place where I could rest from all of my stories, and just be still and calm. There is a power in this energy that I had not tapped into before. I feel centered at my core, embodying empowerment, ready to create. My entire body is not nearly as rattled as usual, and I am sleeping better. All from the depths of our earth, where it is very very dark. The dark had always been a scary place for me. Through this experience, I learned that there is joy in these dark depths, if only we are willing to go there. Joy even in the deepest and darkest places!
David created a meditation out of this experience. I encourage you to give it a try.
"All the roads within your heart eventually lead to joy. Cry more. Hug more. And surrender more." - Sarah Vallely, Tame Soothe Dwell, the 55 teachings of TSD Mindfulness
I have a completely irrational fear of birds. Nothing happened to me in this life that I should be SO afraid of birds, and yet I am. My heart races when they are near me. My breath quickens. I admire them from afar but close up, I back away.
My mom died last September. This woman was special, one of a kind, joyous, loving, and my biggest fan. The mourning has been REAL and there have been days that I couldn't escape the enormity of the loss. I grieve the loss of her here, in the body. I picked up the phone to call her just last week. And yet, I am also recognizing the spectrum of what's available to me - the spectrum from the body to the spirit. Yes, her body is no longer here, but her spirit is ready, willing, and able. Her spirit is with me... a lot. I often connect with her, and she sends me lots of signs.
And wouldn't you know it... she sends a lot of birds. I recently spent the weekend in Red Feather Lakes (gorgeous!!), and there was this hummingbird that kept landing on a branch a couple of feet from me. It would just sit there, and I would just stand there. And I would laugh as I thought of my mom. A tiny little bird, just for me, over and over and over again throughout the weekend. On the branch or outside my window, just waiting for me to notice.
I often sit in stillness, and ask my mom questions and listen for her answers. So that weekend I asked her -
"Why the birds, Ma?" Part of me was a bit perturbed that she knows I am so afraid of them and yet continued to send them. And she responded,
"Why not, Sweet Child? There is beauty in birds and your fear is not of this time. Flying with a bird is one of the great joys of this world. I am free!"
I smiled at the idea of her flying with the birds, and I could hear her joy.
I could have missed all of these connections; been too busy walking to see the birds or been too distracted to ask my mom about the birds. And yet, grief is helping me to slow down. I am finding the time and energy to connect. It is a wonderful place to be, in the body and free.
She sent her friend Andrea an owl... thank god that wasn't me.
Many thanks to the Bold Journey team for developing this interview and asking about my purpose. Although I believe purpose is an ever evolving aspect of life, it is nice - in this moment - to be doing exactly what I love to do. Read the article here: https://boldjourney.com/news/meet-ali-sweeney/
Professional Clairvoyant Energy Healer